Rediscovering Yourself After Baby: A Journey Back to You

Becoming a parent is an incredible experience, filled with joy, challenges, and a whole new set of responsibilities. The person who goes through pregnancy and birth is mentally and physically changed in so many ways, it can be compared to the changes that occur during adolescence. 

With all of these changes, many people struggle to find and reconnect with the version of themselves that existed before baby. Some people mourn these changes and miss what used to be. It’s normal to have a lot of feelings about all of these changes! There is no wrong way to feel. You can both celebrate this new version of yourself and miss the former. So what if you are having trouble reconnecting with who you used to be and want to get back to a place that feels more familiar, in your mind and body? Let’s discuss a few suggestions that can be taken to start the journey back to you. 

1. Embrace this version of yourself. 

I know, I know- change is freaking hard. I just talked about getting back to yourself and now I’m saying embrace where you are- confusing. However, both things can be true. You can offer yourself kindness and acceptance around all of the changes that have taken place. First and foremost, recognize that you have changed—and that's okay. Parenthood alters your identity in profound ways. Instead of striving to be the person you were before, embrace this new version of yourself. Acknowledge the growth, the resilience, and the strength that comes with being a parent. Give yourself grace as you navigate this new chapter.

2. Carve Out Time for Self-Care

Remember that self care can look vastly different in different seasons of your life! Self care before a newborn might have looked like getting a massage or taking yourself out to dinner. Finding time for those kinds of activities could be a challenge right now though. Try to refram your definition of self care to be more manageable. Start by taking a shower, calling a friend, really enjoying a cup of coffee or a snack. Self-care is often the first thing to go when a baby arrives, but it’s crucial for your well-being. As your baby’s routine becomes more predictable, gradually reintroduce activities that bring you joy—reading, exercising, or even just taking a long shower without interruptions.

3. Reconnect with Your Passions or at least try

What did you love doing before baby came along? Dip your toes in the water of reconnecting with these passions. You may find that these feel different, maybe even less satisfying. That’s ok. Remember that you have changed and it may take a little experimentation before you understand what helps fill your cup nowadays. As a personal example, I used to enjoy long runs before I was pregnant or postpartum. However, after giving birth I found that trying to do these runs stressed me out. I struggled with how different the runs felt and how much time I had to be away from my baby. I found that going for walks was much more relaxing and soothing for myself. Engaging in activities you love will help you reconnect with the essence of who you are outside of parenthood. It can be so important to put reminders in place of who you were and are outside of being a new parent. 

4. Seek Support

Now is the time to lean on your community. If you don’t have a community, let’s talk about starting to create one. Look for new mom groups or meet ups. These can be virtual or in person. Don’t be afraid to reach out to all of those people who said to call them if you need anything. Now is not the time to get shy. The people in  your life offered to help because they want to show up for you. Please let them. This doesn’t mean inviting people over so that you can play host. I mean, call on that neighbor and ask them for help doing the dishes. Let your friends know that it would be great if they could send over some food for dinner. I promise that people want to help more than we think they do. Consider, how do you feel when you are able to do something selfless for a friend or family member? Feels pretty great, right? Don’t deny this opportunity for others to give to you. 

5. Set Boundaries

It’s easy to feel like you need to be everything to everyone—your baby, your partner, your extended family—but it’s vital to set boundaries to protect your time and energy. It’s okay to say no to visitors, to ask for help, or to take a break. By setting boundaries, you create space for yourself to rest, recharge, and focus on your needs.

6. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for reconnecting with yourself. Even if it’s just for a few minutes a day, take time to be present in the moment. This does not mean that you need to start a strict daily meditation practice from scratch. You have so many opportunities to practice mindfulness throughout the day. Can you try to mindfully do a mundane activity such as taking a 10 minute walk outside? This means that you are attempting to be fully present in the walk by tuning into your breath, the sights, sounds and smells around you. If your mind starts to wander, gently bring it back to your breath and where you are. 

7. Celebrate Small Wins

Taking the time to stop and celebrate small victories throughout the day or hell even the hour is a powerful experience. By doing this, you slowly start to build your feelings of confidence and reassurance in yourself. We are often quick to focus on what we did not do well or what we did not get accomplished. This dismisses those small but powerful victories throughout the day that really add up. Did you manage to take a nap? Celebrate that! Did you find a moment to read a chapter of a book? Celebrate that too! Recognizing and appreciating these small wins will help you stay positive and motivated as you continue to rediscover yourself.

8. Be Patient with the Process

Rediscovering yourself after having a baby is not something that happens overnight. It’s a gradual process, filled with ups and downs. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey. Remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time, and that every small effort counts.

Getting back to yourself after having a baby is a deeply personal journey. It requires time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion. By embracing the new you, practicing self-care, and slowly reconnecting with your passions, you’ll find your way back to the vibrant, unique individual you are—now enriched by the incredible experience of parenthood.