Who loves you? A journey into self love, part 1
Recently my daughter and I started playing a silly call and response type of game where I sing out “Who loves youuuuuuuuu” and she responds with different family members and friends. It has served as a great distraction when brushing teeth, getting dressed or any other daily task that she would rather avoid. The other morning she surprised me by answering in response, “I love me, mama!” My self love preaching therapist heart was so proud. I hugged her and told her as much. I, of course, started thinking about how so many of the people I work with struggle to give themselves the love they deserve and are in need of. I wondered when this changes and we start to think of ourselves as less deserving.
Our world often encourages us to prioritize the needs and expectations of others. Self-love, often misunderstood or dismissed as selfishness, is in fact the foundation of personal well-being and fulfillment. Self love can have a profound impact and how cultivating it can lead to a more joyful, authentic, and resilient life.
Understanding Self-Love:
Self-love is not about arrogance or narcissism; instead, it's about developing a deep sense of compassion, acceptance, and appreciation for oneself. It involves recognizing our inherent worthiness and treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a beloved friend. So many times I have asked clients if the harsh words they say to themselves would be the same they offer to a friend. The answer is always no.
Embracing Imperfection:
One of the keys to self-love is embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities. We hold ourselves to unrealistic or impossible standards and then blame ourselves when we fall short. This is not fair and unhelpful. I encourage clients to give themselves grace and kindness when mistakes are made. This is the best way to gain better insight and learn from these mistakes. Rather than striving for unattainable perfection, self-love encourages us to celebrate our uniqueness and recognize that our flaws are what make us beautifully human.
Practicing Self-Compassion:
Central to the journey of self-love is the practice of self-compassion. This involves treating ourselves with gentleness and understanding, especially in moments of struggle or failure. Instead of harsh self-criticism, self-compassion invites us to offer ourselves the same comfort and encouragement that we would extend to a loved one facing similar challenges. Cultivating self-compassion takes practice. When your inner voice has spent years being critical towards yourself, expect that trying to reverse this behavior will take time, practice and patience. Start to challenge that harsh, negative self talk and introduce some kind words of reassurance and care towards yourself. You deserve it.
