Mothers’ Day is complicated

Mother's Day can understandably be a complicated day for many people. For many families this is a holiday to celebrate and honor mothers and mother figures, and it can also bring up a range of emotions. These may range from joy and gratitude to grief, sadness, or even resentment for those who have complicated relationships with their mothers or have experienced loss.

For some, Mother's Day may highlight feelings of inadequacy if they don't have a good relationship with their mother or if they've lost their mother. Others may feel excluded or marginalized by the holiday if they don't fit into traditional notions of motherhood, such as those who are estranged from their mothers, struggle with infertility, or have chosen not to become mothers themselves.

Additionally, commercialization and societal pressure around Mother's Day can exacerbate these feelings, with advertisements and social media posts often portraying an idealized version of motherhood that doesn't reflect the diverse range of experiences people have.

For individuals or families who do celebrate, a mass-marketed anticipation to have the picture perfect day can create tremendous pressure, stress or disappointment if the events do not meet expectations. Planners and givers may feel rejected if their efforts are not received well. Mothers or mother figures may feel unseen or unappreciated when their celebrators miss the mark.

Acknowledging the complexity of Mother's Day and supporting those who may be struggling with it can involve simple acts of kindness, like being mindful of the language we use around the holiday to be more inclusive of different experiences. The holiday could also be more enjoyable if we practice slow down to intentionally engage our practice of gratitude and be aware of unrealistic or unhealthy commercialized expectations we are absorbing.

Ultimately, Mother's Day can be an opportunity to express love and appreciation for the maternal figures in our lives, and it's important to remember that not everyone's experience fits neatly into the celebratory narrative, and that's okay. Compassion, understanding, and empathy go a long way in making this day more meaningful for everyone.